Surprises. Don't make everything better

That is my opinion.

Surprises don't make everything better, they don't solve anything.

Especially Flowers.

That is what I woke up to this morning. A boutique of flowers sent to me from a guy friend trying to cheer me up. What does this remind me of? That people are feeling sorry for me. That cheers me up? The reminder that people are noticing I'm sad and trying to cheer me up.

Ugh its annoying. I don't like people feeling sorry for me. I actually kinda hate it.

I mean it is really sweet that he did that and I do appreciate everything, everyone is doing for me. It is not going to take away my sadness, or my being confused.

So let's try to be positive now.

I am one of the girls that plan the activities for our ward. We decided to go Heart Attacking.

I made tons of hearts in different colors and sizes, talked to people and I was feeling a little out of place with my ward. but suddenly I felt like I should write saying on the hearts. So I did. I wrote love notes to the people we were going to see. It felt great. Especially when after we had delivered everything, a girl we visited took pictures of everything and posted them on facebook. And was super grateful for the hearts with quotes. it made me feel like I made a difference.

Then I found out there was a car load of boys going to the dance. So even though it was an hour drive, I was suddenly in for going to the dance and I then invited everyone and convinced some more people to go. There were 17 people from my ward that drove an hour to go dancing. It was pretty much a big turn out since it is very far away. 

While dances make me feel lonely in a crowded room and completely out of place these days, it gave me a chance to reconnect with old friends.