Missing you

Nathan is on his mission.
I made friends with lots of girls that also have boyfriends/best friends/ex boyfriends that are on missions and they are writing and supporting them.
I'm writing Nate. but these girls, my story compared to theirs... it seems like something is wrong with me? like maybe I don't care enough? its weird they are SOO depressed about their boys being gone and they don't get to see them for two years. They cry all the freaking time and are sad and complain about how much they miss and miss and miss their boyfriends and want them home already. He's been gone a week... you can calm the crap down.
I don't miss Nate like these girls miss their boys. I've been wondering if something is wrong with me, do I not care about Nathan enough to cry over him and cry over missing him? I'm very proud of myself that I haven't cried. Yes I cried when we said goodbye but I haven't cried about it since he checked into the MTC. No.. that isn't true, I started crying the second I heard his voice when he called me from the airport. But I don't think I cried about missing him I was just so happy to hear his voice and hear from him and I was PROUD of him.

I think the preparation Nathan and I took to prepare for his mission helped a lot. We constantly talked about preparing and not only whether Nate was prepared to serve, but was I prepared for him to leave me for two years and leave me standing on my own two feet after relying on him for so long. I set goals for myself and prayed and got blessing about what to do with these two years that my best friend is gone. I'm going on adventures, going to date, gain my independence and live away from home. Nate and I really talked about how important serving the Lord is and how important sharing the gospel is with those around us and sharing it with as many people as possible. Missionary work is so important and sacred and divine. Nate constantly reminded me that he would drop our relationship at the drop of a hat if he had to decide between being with me and serving the Lord. He MADE that decision. We broke up. He decided to serve the lord first and just be my best friend from afar. He showed me where his priorities lie and it is an amazing example and after praying I felt that its right.

There is nothing wrong with me. I don't cry from missing him (yet). But we have the correct priorities in check. The Lord's work comes first. our friendship is lower on the list. We can't predict the future. We can only follow our hearts and what the spirit tells us. I love him. I'm not done done with him. I've accepted it. I don't know what is going to happen in my future but My boy is gone and I'm still HAPPY! I get amazing letters from my best friend and I get to read his testimony every time he shares it with me. and I get to share mine with him. My testimony and faith in the little things.

I love him. He is going to be a great missionary with his priorities in order. And I get to have adventure and be happy with where my life is going.
I do miss the hugs and snuggles and kisses and the way he looks at me. No one else compares. I've never found someone that hugs me how he does. Snuggles with him or as we called it "snugs" (cuddling) was perfect and honestly I've casually cuddled with my guy friend and it was just awkward and I miss the way it feels to be in Nate's arms. The looks of adoration and the way his face lit up when he saw me. I'll never forget that stuff. When I would show up unexpectedly and he would drop everything to hug me and tell me that he loves me and he was glad to see me. Or him even letting me just show up and cling to him and sit on his lap while he continued his video games and he would always ask me if i brought my laptop so I could play video games with him cause he taught me how to spend more time with me. No one compares. Maybe someone will eventually but I love him and I'm glad he decided to serve the lord with all the love in his heart.