Disney Memory

At work we were sharing Disney memories so I thought I'd share mine here.

My favorite Disney memory was when I was fifteen years old. I am a huge fan of Belle from Beauty and the Beast. When my family went to Disneyland for a week I decided I wanted to meet Belle! On previous trips my parents always thought Character greetings were not as good as rides and shows therefore I had never met any Princesses. It was Monday and one of the first things we did was wait while I at fifteen years old was excited to meet Belle. She was so nice and I was extremely happy meeting her. She really brought the magic to life for me. We went on our way and did other things in the parks.
 On Wednesday we were spending the day in California Adventure and my parents mentioned seeing Belle in the animation building doing greetings again. My parents indulged their daughter again and waited in line so I could meet the same character performer as Belle again and take more pictures with her. This greeting with Belle I was able to talk to her a bit more because there was not a line behind me and she commented on my princess hat and my necklace being cute. Our vacation went on and on Friday I spotted Belle again. This time my younger brother was with me and knew that I wanted to wait in line again. I met Belle a third time in 5 days and it was the same character performer and This time I got to talk to her even more, and the best thing happened to me that made my whole trip; She remembered me and my necklace that she liked. She knew I had visited her twice before and remembered me. It showed me a lot about Disney and the fact that performers do enjoy meeting people. That Belle made my trip worthwhile, she also inspired me to really think about working for Disney someday. She made the magic come alive for me and even though I was fifteen years old she stayed in character and preserved the magic. I will never forget that trip because of that Belle.

Yup I work for Disney and its Legit now

Yeah Thanks for that.

Ugh. okay I'll be honest I'm crying while writing this. These last few blogs make me sound like a cry baby, which I'm not. Its just when I cry that I feel the need to get my feelings out the most. So My dad Just called me the B word. Which is why I'm crying. It's hurtful how does he not get that? How does he also not get that its totally inappropriate to call ANYONE that let alone his own daughter. Jeez Thanks dad. I freaking love you too. I'm moving in THREE weeks and You are going to Disneyland tomorrow with mom and Zach and your grandsons leaving me home alone and I'm a bad person?

Because Today is my baby brother's 19th birthday and I told my parents we have plans but won't tell them what the plans are. So THAT makes me a bad person?

Do you really want to know why you can't know what we are doing?!

Because its your freaking wedding anniversary this month, on like the 23rd or the 26th or something like that. And because your youngest daughter... aka ME arranged for a photo shoot with a professional photographer to take pictures of your kids and grandkids as a SURPRISE for your anniversary. Thanks Jerk, for making me feel bad for not telling you a SURPRISE. So glad I planned this for you. So grateful.

For reasons like these I'm moving my butt clear across the country as far away as possible and I would bet tons of money that my parents don't even bother to check on me at all. Yeah that's my parents for you... They seem Bipolar. They are not very affectionate people. Which is why I am so determined to be affectionate in my future family and make sure my kids know exactly how much I love them.

Teaching Fhe Is apparently HARD

Today was a roller coaster of emotions. Actually, it wasn't! 
It started out like a normal day. Typical Monday. I got up to go to work. And was excited to hear back from my best friend via Email. He is very consistent with his emails. It usually comes at 10:30ish in the morning California time. However, I go to work at 9:30 now on Monday's and Tuesdays. I had to learn how to check my email from my phone so I could read what he says! His response is always beautiful. We got to talk on the phone yesterday, for his Mother's day call. His mom was nice enough to let me come. I LOVE his mom. I seriously admire her so much. I'm so grateful that she felt the need to have two more children in her 40's! Without her making that decision I wouldn't have my lovey. And without her and the women that she is, I wouldn't have Nathan the way he is. He was brought up so well. In an active family that taught him such amazing qualities and important things. He is so at ease and confident with everything, especially the gospel. Nathan is seriously my greatest example. 
Things he mentions in his email brighten my day 99.9% of the time. Today was no exception. His email was short, quick, but sweet and heartfelt. He was short on time because he was rushing to send us, Us being Me, Julie who is his oldest sister, and His mom, Pictures. He sent so many pictures. That amazing boy! He is just so handsome. And his p-day clothes are clothes I got him. hehe. And he is wearing the CTR ring I bought him. His companion is a cutie too. I love Elder Foster. If that isn't obvious enough or anyone isn't aware.. I am in Love with him. I like that we think the same now about some things. We never did before. Who would have thought that being like 1,800 miles apart would bring us closer together. (According to google maps its 1,720 miles door to door) But Now we think the same. We hate the term "Waiting". Hate it. It makes me seem like I'm sitting on my butt for two years waiting for a boy to come save me. We agree on this. We are learning and growing.


Well at work today, I got pooped on. Can you say that you got Pooped on at work? Yeah, I didn't think so. I work at a Lorikeet (type of bird from Australia) exhibit at the local Zoo, for the month of May, just until I go to Disneyworld. But as SOON as I walked through the door to go in with the birds. BOOM! right on my shoulder. I seriously yelled at the birds. I was not happy, but its not that big of a deal. I've come to accept that they will poop on me. I enjoy working there. I get to interact with little kids a lot. There were 3 field trips to the Zoo today. I'm so happy around kids. I seriously am so looking forward to being a Mother and going on adventures with my kids. like to the ZOO! I could go on adventures with my family forever. I'm so excited about that!
I told my boss today about my Disneyworld internship and that I would be leaving in a month. June 5 to be exact. It went really well actually. She was super nice about it even though I just started there. I love this job.


I got picked up from work. I work with my brother but he only works half days so he takes the car and picks me up. I went home and looked at more pictures from my lovely missionary Friend. I finished up my lesson for Family Home Evening at my singles ward. I was very excited to teach so I printed off some last things and went to FHE.
i got there early and put some extra finishing touches on the lesson and waiting for FHE to start. My ward can NOT start on time for anything so we started at like 7:30..ish. We sang and guess what. Its my turn. I got in front of everyone. and got my papers all ready to give the lesson. I have terrible stage fright. I don't like teaching. I don't like public speaking, but I've felt like I needed to teach this lesson for about two weeks. That is why I volunteered to do it. I felt like I needed to give this lesson.
Long story short. I guess I couldn't, I tried and passed things out and we read a scripture but everyone was TALKING and couldn't follow SIMPLE instructions. I was trying to start my lesson and everyone kept asking questions about the pieces of paper they were given. I put a LOT of prep work and thought into the lesson. No one was listening. So I started to hold back tears because all my effort was pointless. I told one of my friends to stop talking and I stood up there awkwardly and just WATCHED everyone talk. It was so rude and It was driving me crazy. I couldn't even say anything, No one would listen. I was holding back tears and really wanted to walk away but I couldn't, that wouldn't be okay just to talk away in the middle of a lesson... One more person said something and I did the unthinkable. I left EVERYTHING there and walked away and went straight to the bathroom, lights off and locked myself in a bathroom stall and Bawled my freaking eyes out. No, not just cried, I bawled. To the point I couldn't breathe. I wanted to be held. I wanted Nathan. I never missed him more, I wanted him just to hold me close like he used to and help me. One of my best friend's Alicia came in and checked on me. She Stood on the toilet and looked over the stall to watch me and try to comfort me, and remind me to breathe!
My Bishop sent a girl in the bathroom to try to get me to come out. Let's say it didn't work. I stayed in the bathroom, I'm not a very pretty crier. Some girls look fine when they cry, some can just have random tears fall and still look beautiful, let's just say that is not me. When I cry... I CRY. My eyes puff up and get red. Eventually everyone left me alone, and I heard the activity had started when means everyone had left the institute building to go outside. So, I slowly left the bathroom. My Bishop was in the hall and asked me if I was okay and offered me a hug. I went and sat with the bishop and his wife and Alicia in the foyer of the institute building and watched people participate in the activity. We played a live game of Clue. I was supposed to be one of the characters but Alicia took my role since I obviously wasn't going to do it. I slowly talked to more and more people. It was awkward since I seriously walked out of my lesson. I got some hugs and people came to check on if I was okay. I assured everyone that I was fine. Basically I lied. I went up to my friend Todd, I call him Toddle I went up to him and got a hug and the first thing I said was "Can I go to Texas?" He knew what I meant. I wanted Nate to fix everything for me, but obviously that couldn't happen. So I settled for playing something Nate taught me on the Piano. The Piano makes me feel so close to him. Which reminds me I should listen to the song he wrote for me :) Yes he wrote me a SONG. Just mine. He gave it to me for Christmas. He wrote it starting in September and wrote a lot of it while we were broken up for October. He showed it to me on October 30th the first day we saw each other again. I cried. He is amazing. 


Since I couldn't teach my lesson at FHE I will teach it here.

The Worth of A Soul

Doctrine and Covenants 18:10: Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God.

Each Child of Heavenly Father is of Great Worth!
We are all unique and each have our own strengths and weaknesses.
We all Look, Sound and Act different. We are all important in the sight of God. He has given us a unique combination of strengths and weaknesses. 


Jeremiah 1:5
Before I formed thee in the Belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I Sancitfied thee, and I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations.

Our Father in heaven KNOWS us, he knows us completely better than anyone else. He knows what is in our hearts and our unique characteristics. He can tell us apart from another just by.. Everything that we are. He knows us better than anyone here on earth. He knows us so much better than our earthly parents. Think about your earthly Father, or Father figure, I assume he knows you pretty well. I know my dad knows me really well. He can predict my reactions to things. That is something I love about my dad. He knows and cares for me enough to predict my actions! Just think about that in comparison to our Heavenly Father, with all his knowledge knowing everything about us. He knows what we will decide and what we will do before we even do it. He can comfort us in our time of need and knows that each of our needs are unique and he is able to help all of us. 

He gives us all gifts like it says in D&C 46:10-13
10 And again, verily I say unto you, I would that ye should always remember, and always retain in your minds what those gifts are, that are given unto the church. 
11 For all have not every gift given unto them; for there are many gifts, and to every man is given a gift by the Spirit of God.
12 To some is given one, and to some is given another, that all may be profited thereby.

We are all given gifts to develop and grow individually.
But we are all also given Weaknesses. Ether 12:27

27And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.

Our strengths and weaknesses help us grow and are unique to each of us.

President Hinckley said in 1972

"The work of the world is not done by intellectual geniuses. It is done by men [and women] of ordinary capacity who use their abilities in an extraordinary manner".

Elder Marvin J. Ashton (quorum of the 12) said in 1973

"As Children of God we are somebody. He will build us, mold us, and magnify us if we will but hold our heads up, our arms out, and walk with him. What a great blessing to be created in his image and know of our true potential in and through him!" 

I know I am unique for a reason, I know that my individuality helps me grow uniquely in his eternal plan. His plan is perfect and making each of us unique is just part of that plan. He knows you and cares for you and wants you to do  your best, learn from both your strengths and weaknesses, make your weaknesses into strengths and return to him.

Holding On

Holding On
(Cherie Call)

If I had to move away, if I had to pack a box today
There are some things I'd have to let go before I headed down the
interstate. My favorite dress that doesn't fit anymore, and all the papers in my
old desk drawer Bad habits and old grudges, I'd take them all to the second hand store.
But there's a list of things I'd have to take with me
No matter how long this winding road turns out to be

I'm holding on to the valentines
And letters I've read a thousand times that say
"We believe in you," and "never give up your dreams."
I'm holding on to my own backyard
I hope that I can fit it all in my car
When the whole world's letting go
I'll keep holding on

You can't keep a harvest moon, it fades away all too soon
And even the trees let go of their leaves much quicker than you'd ever
choose So many people say goodbye, I see those teardrops in their eyes
And I start to wonder how I'd live without love
And I'm glad I never have to try
Cause hardly anything lasts forever anymore
But there will always be a few things that I'm gonna keep fighting for

I'm holding on to my father's love
And my mother's faith in God above
She says "We believe in you," and "never give up your dreams."
I'm holding on to my true love's hand
And I know that he will always understand
When the whole world's letting go
I'll keep holding on

Shooting stars and red balloons
Ice cream cones and breezy Junes
I love them all, I hold them dear, but they so quickly disappear
These are the things I'll keep with me, no matter where my life will
lead me A loving word, a gentle kiss, I need nothing more than this

I'm holding on to the valentines
And letters I've read a thousand times that say
"We believe in you," and "never give up your dreams."
I'm holding on to my own backyard
I hope that I can fit it all in my car
When the whole world's letting go
I'll keep holding on
I'm holding on to my father's love
And my mother's faith in God above
She says "We believe in you," and "never give up your dreams."
I'm holding on to my true love's hand
And I know that he will always understand
When the whole world's letting go
I'll keep holding on 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm holding to the Love of a boy that is far away. Not everyone agrees with me doing this but this is My life and I will not let anyone else dictate what I can or Can Not do. I'm holding on to that love but that doesn't mean I am not growing and progressing. That is the most important thing to me, and putting the lord first. I do have so much love for Nathan, but I'm glad he's gone and I wouldn't want him to come home soon. He needs more time. I need more time. He's been gone for a bit but I'm looking forward to my adventures while he's gone.

Missing you

Nathan is on his mission.
I made friends with lots of girls that also have boyfriends/best friends/ex boyfriends that are on missions and they are writing and supporting them.
I'm writing Nate. but these girls, my story compared to theirs... it seems like something is wrong with me? like maybe I don't care enough? its weird they are SOO depressed about their boys being gone and they don't get to see them for two years. They cry all the freaking time and are sad and complain about how much they miss and miss and miss their boyfriends and want them home already. He's been gone a week... you can calm the crap down.
I don't miss Nate like these girls miss their boys. I've been wondering if something is wrong with me, do I not care about Nathan enough to cry over him and cry over missing him? I'm very proud of myself that I haven't cried. Yes I cried when we said goodbye but I haven't cried about it since he checked into the MTC. No.. that isn't true, I started crying the second I heard his voice when he called me from the airport. But I don't think I cried about missing him I was just so happy to hear his voice and hear from him and I was PROUD of him.

I think the preparation Nathan and I took to prepare for his mission helped a lot. We constantly talked about preparing and not only whether Nate was prepared to serve, but was I prepared for him to leave me for two years and leave me standing on my own two feet after relying on him for so long. I set goals for myself and prayed and got blessing about what to do with these two years that my best friend is gone. I'm going on adventures, going to date, gain my independence and live away from home. Nate and I really talked about how important serving the Lord is and how important sharing the gospel is with those around us and sharing it with as many people as possible. Missionary work is so important and sacred and divine. Nate constantly reminded me that he would drop our relationship at the drop of a hat if he had to decide between being with me and serving the Lord. He MADE that decision. We broke up. He decided to serve the lord first and just be my best friend from afar. He showed me where his priorities lie and it is an amazing example and after praying I felt that its right.

There is nothing wrong with me. I don't cry from missing him (yet). But we have the correct priorities in check. The Lord's work comes first. our friendship is lower on the list. We can't predict the future. We can only follow our hearts and what the spirit tells us. I love him. I'm not done done with him. I've accepted it. I don't know what is going to happen in my future but My boy is gone and I'm still HAPPY! I get amazing letters from my best friend and I get to read his testimony every time he shares it with me. and I get to share mine with him. My testimony and faith in the little things.

I love him. He is going to be a great missionary with his priorities in order. And I get to have adventure and be happy with where my life is going.
I do miss the hugs and snuggles and kisses and the way he looks at me. No one else compares. I've never found someone that hugs me how he does. Snuggles with him or as we called it "snugs" (cuddling) was perfect and honestly I've casually cuddled with my guy friend and it was just awkward and I miss the way it feels to be in Nate's arms. The looks of adoration and the way his face lit up when he saw me. I'll never forget that stuff. When I would show up unexpectedly and he would drop everything to hug me and tell me that he loves me and he was glad to see me. Or him even letting me just show up and cling to him and sit on his lap while he continued his video games and he would always ask me if i brought my laptop so I could play video games with him cause he taught me how to spend more time with me. No one compares. Maybe someone will eventually but I love him and I'm glad he decided to serve the lord with all the love in his heart.

Let's Brag a bit: Daddy

Let's chat, k?

Well actually let's brag.

 

About my daddy. He's awesome.

He knows me pretty well. I'm not sure why that surprised me, but it did.

I'm apparently predictable.

My dad knows that I was having a hard time waiting for Nathan to get his call. And he knew how proud I was of Nate and everything like that.

 

My dad helped me plan my future, far away wedding. He gave me really good ideas I never thought about before he suggested them, and his ideas make so much sense. I'm going to use them. I love that he talked to me about it.

 

And he always told me, Nathan is a great guy but if he's not the one, there is someone else that is going to come along that is even better. Nathan isn't your only chance of happiness. Just find someone that will take you to the Temple.

So the other day while I was sitting in the main room watching tv with my dad.

He decided to ask a question that opened up a whole conversation and I got to tell my dad exactly what I'm going through.

He asked if Nate and I are Done Done.

OH if you only knew. I assured him off, Yes. We are Done Done. He is Not the one for me.

I got to tell him about the blessing I got from the patriarch confirming that Nate is not the one. And I told him about the reflections I've had and what I've been thinking about when I think about Nate. The fact that our relationship was far from perfect and there was a LOT of room for improvement. He was theoretically right for me, but wasn't the one. He didn't give me butterflies or make me smile ALL the time and that is what I want.

My dad responded with a response of Go find him, don't settle. Just because Nate treated me well doesn't mean anyone else can't. He told me to go find someone that will treat me like the Goddess I want to become in the gospel.

Then we talked about guys in the Single Ward (he is the ward clerk so both my parents are in my singles ward and I don't mind)

My dad shared his opinion about guys I've been hanging out with now and brought up positive attributes he sees in boys I mentioned.

They were attributes I never really thought about in looking for friends or dates.

I'm looking now.

I love my Daddy. He is the best.

Time flies

Oh Wow. It has been Almost two weeks since I last posted a blog. I need to make it a habit. This is basically a journal, I was always bad at writing in them. I am the type of person that I talk to myself... yes a little crazy but its the best way i deal with things. When I talk to myself i do it in letter form, as in i write letters to people in my head. know exactly what I'm going to say them and then my negative feelings kinda just go away. I don't feel the need to actually tell the person when they hurt my feelings or do something that bothers me. I don't like hurting other people's feelings. I'm not quite sure how people do that on a regular basis. I am aware that I can be mean, but honestly I don't try to be. I got two huge compliments the other day from two different guys saying I'm too nice and I'm the nicest person they know. All I could think was thank you and how flattering but they must know some pretty mean people. So this is me setting a goal to blog more. Not that anyone really reads this or is interested in what I have to say. But you never know.

That is all for now.

Don't judge my grammatical errors, I'm much too lazy to fix them today.

But Judge if you must, I can't stop you.

Next Blog topic: My Daddy.